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Okay, so I wasn’t actually fired, but I did receive my “non-renewal of contract.” Bummer. I teach for an online high school, a job I love. In Washington State, our governor, who I, well, hate, has gutted our education budget so my small school district has to RIF (Reduction in Force) over 30 teachers.
I knew something was coming when I got an email to meet with the head of HR. Not good, never good. My big idea was to be the most pleasant firing of his day. I had a plan. When he said, “Staff Reduction,” I was planning to say, “Staff Induction? Hall of Fame? **slowly backing out of his office** Let me know the details of the banquet. Dress suggestions?”
To further my plan, I was going to continue on like I never heard any of this news. I’d get to my office early, so the new person would just have to wait around and mumble. I would develop a hearing problem so anytime someone tried to tell me I didn’t work there, I could continue with the slowly-back-away strategy.
The meeting was too serious, door closed, etc. Hmm. Too bad ’cause that would have been funny.
Now I’m looking for some new careers. Any suggestions? Here are a couple I’ve thought of so far:
- Street performer in my own small town. Where do I find that silver paint? A guitar case seems to be a good collection device, but what if I don’t play the guitar?
- A worm farmer. I’ve gotten into worm composting, meaning I have a plastic box with worms and newspaper. I love it. Any real money in this? Not with my 67 worms.
- I really like water slides. Do you think a 30 something woman without a bikini body and plenty of stretch marks can get lots of sponsors? Hmmm.
- Anybody hiring travel writers? I have no experience, if that matters.
That’s all I’ve got for now. Suggestions? Serious or hilarious, I’m good either way.
Find Your Fabulous,
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